Day 148: Who am I

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to live the word perfection instead of doing my best in every breath

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to be perfect

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that perfection does not exist as it is dependant on every individual perspective

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to be able to do everything perfectly instead of doing my best in every moment of breath

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be here in every moment of breath

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to attract attention of others by doing something unusual/bold

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that I don't need to do anything outrageous in order to have attention from others, they can simply hear me for who I am 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I have to do something outrageous or dangerous to get attention from others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myslef to not see that I am important with or without attention form others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myslef to want attention from others

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed mysel to see that I can get attention for who I am not for what I do

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that who I am is more important than what I do

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I am not enough and therefore want to get attention for what I do/have instead of for who I am

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to look at who I am, instead looking at what I do or  have

Day 147: Judge Not

 Yesterday I was approached by a friend, telling me that another friend had scared him and I, instead of reassuring that it was all fine by this friend that scared another one, I said that this friend that scared another one is 'strange' and giving some examples more-- thus judging in all its glory. Today I had to ask for forgiveness from this friend, also in presence of the first friend that came to me for help with this friend. All in all, judging is not cool because the person that is judged cannot defend themselves. Thus you are doing a trial without giving the opportunity of the judged to defend themselves. I would hate to have a friend near me that when other people ask him about my behaviour, he simply says that Ruben is strange -- not cool. It is simply to remind oneself that we should not judge at all, as life is difficult enough and however one decides to act in Life we, from the outside, cannot possibly know why of the way he acted like that. And in fact, in this example, judging someone as strange is detrimental to the relationship. From now on I will only talk well/positive of people or simply not talk unless they are present.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge my friend as strange when approached by another one that he had scared.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to jump to judging instead of 'judge not - lest ye be judged'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to jump to conclusions with my friend by judging him and his behaviour

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge my friend instead of being here as breath and examine the situation with this other friend that said that was scared

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that I have to judge not unless I be judged

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand the dynamics of the friendship whenever I decide to judge a friend with another friend present -- which is detrimental to the relationship with the first friend.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that judging persons/friends is very detrimental to any possible relationship that can form between me and them.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand that judgement of people is very detrimental of the relationship at all levels.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that when I judge someone for example as strange because of their way of living - I am separating myself from them and there is no possible friendship to be sustained between us as I separate myself from them within and as the judgement.

Day 142: Act Now

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wait for something to act, as in poverty or riches

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that waiting is waiting and there is no excuse for it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see the simplicity of everyone being supported to have their best life possible

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put excuses to not act in every moment in a way that is Best for All

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that unless I act and we act nothing will be done

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that unless we do something nothing will be done

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that the system that is running will continue to run until annihilation of all possible life

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to not see that I am not alone

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that we can unite to get change

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that waiting is the root cause of change NOT happening

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, that the fact that I have a job doesn’t make me protected from an uncertain future, as many have at the present moment

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand that unless I stand as an example of what is possible many will not be able to stand up because of it

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that many will not be able to stand up if I fail to stand up in every moment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that I am one, yet everyone finds themselves at the same position, being one, so it is only natural that if I stand up many other ones will do the same

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that I can do so much that I yet don’t know because I have not put myself to do it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see my creative potential because I have not yet put myself to do all that I can for equality

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that I am capable of so much more

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that I have to act whenever I see I can act, without postponing or waiting

Day 140: Sacrifice = Investment

Sacrifice is in reality an investment. Giving up something for something better. We should all consider investing in Equality for All, as it has the best ROI (return on investment) possible, ever, for All.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that sacrifice is needed in order to obtain anything of value.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear sacrifice believing that I will not get anything in return if I do sacrifice.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to make sure I get something in return BEFORE I make the sacrifice.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that sacrifices have to be unconditional for them to work.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that the fact that a sacrifice is unconditional is because results are never guaranteed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want guaranteed results.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand that nothing in this life is guaranteed, except death.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that unless I understand how sacrifice works = I will not see that it is in fact a simple investment

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to decide to invest in Life and Equality for all - and Equal Rights

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and undertand that the best investment there is = is Equality for All

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that sacrifice is another word for investment, they are interchangeable words

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that my investment for Equality will not have returns - instead of investing unconditionally - as I see it is the only possible way.

Day 139: Effort Understood

What is effort? When I dont know how to do something, it takes a process to learn it, it can take effort - and when I know how to do something, doing it can also take effort. Some things like play, lets say using a unicycle, it takes effort to learn, but if I enjoy it then it doesnt look like effort, so it all boils down on if I want to do something or if I do it because of survival for example, like a job. Changing the world will take effort, of course, but even the butterfly in its metamorphosis, that takes effort, yet it is inevitable and vital that it takes place.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear effort, doing effort.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that everything takes effort that is worth.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand the effort that my physical body does every breath to keep me alive.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that it is worth it to put effort to change myself and the world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that repetition as effort is needed sometimes, many times, to produce a result

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that consistency is needed in order to produce a result, which takes effort.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realise that consistency is key

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that the domino effect is real

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that movement it is not seen in the domino effect while the pieces are being placed and only in the end you can see movement when one piece is pushed

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see the usefulness in the domino effect, where pieces can push other pieces up to a half bigger than them, in a geometrical progression.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that I am in fact a piece on a domino effect-like situation

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that unless I push, as in a piece of the domino that is pushed - there will be no movement of the domino pieces

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that unless I stand for what is best for all, me and many other individuals will not stand because of it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that being an example is so important because without it nothing is possible

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to avoid effort, not seeing, realising and understanding that in doing that I am avoiding reward as result

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge effort as difficult

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to appreciate the effort that nature does to keep this planet alive and the effort that humans have to do that are in poverty to survive

I commit myself to make an effort in reminding myself that everyone and everything is making an effort on this Earth  -- to make an effort for what is Best for All on Earth

I commit myself to remind myself that any effort that I do - is equally done by many other parts of the Earth system and inhabitants

I commit myself to show that any effort that one does is not more or less but Equal to Lifes effort to thrive on this planet

I commit myself to remind myself that I simply have to join in the Lifes effort by doing my part

Day 138: Wich Way is The Way

Learning is the way, that is for sure, and, at some point unlearning as well, because if what I am doing is not working it means that I have to learn something new, and maybe at the same time unlearn something old - and apply.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for not being successful

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as unsuccessful through judging myself through false standards

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not celebrate my life by judging it as unsuccessful through judging it with false standards

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that money is not the only measurement of success

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that unless I change the way I see myself I will keep judging myself - thus limiting myself

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see the opportunities that I have in my life

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that unless I stop judging myself I will not be able to see the opportunities that are available for me, right in front of me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see how self judgements are self limiting/limiting my life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that I am in a far better situation than I believe

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that beliefs about myself are also a limitation

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that the belief that I am not successful is not true

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that if I have done nothing to have x amount of money, then I will not have x amount of money

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to have x amount of money instead of doing something to get x amount of money

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as a failure for having X amount of money instead of seeing that it is impossible I have Y amount of money if I do nothing to have it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that limiting beliefs are limiting indeed

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am alone

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am isolated

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that I am free, free to change all that I dont like or want to change or improve of my life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that unless I apply common sense in my life, nothing will make sense

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not do what I have proven myself to work

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to care about others´ judgements

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give importance to others judgements, opinions and sayings about me and what I do

Day 108: Why Did I Not Start the Blogs on Paranoia of Failure

About a year ago, some of us started with a series about 'Paranoia' which you can read more about in the many JTL blogs/vlogs. In my case I choose to do Paranoia of Failure because of my experience with Failure.  I did not start at the same time and until now I have not adressed it. Why did I not start the blogs on paranoia of failure?

The first thing that comes up as a reaction is an excuse - that I was studying/doing exams -- but I have had many hours and days where I had the time to write the blogs on paranoia of failure and yet I did not. If time was not a problem, why did I not start the blogs on paranoia of failure? Because then I would have to change. If I expose and unravel how I participate in the point of Failure from the starting point of self-interest, then I will have to stop it, or otherwise I will be exposed as abuser - and therefore its 'easier' to simply not investigate the point.  Also, I would have to take responsibility for myself and change. I start today.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to refuse to investigate the point of paranoia of failure, so that I don't have to change by taking responsibility for it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to keep participating in the point of paranoia of failure so that I don't have to take responsibility for myself and change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to delve in self-complacency by continuing to not take responsibility for the point of paranoia of failure.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to continue to not take responsibility for myself despite knowing what to do - thus being deliberate.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to consider myself or others in not taking responsibility for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to continue living in self-deception by not investigating the patterns of failure that I participate in.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can avoid taking self-responsibility by not looking at the points that I have created to not have to take self responsibility.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to 'trap myself' by not investigating and changing and instead continuing to participate in the points of paranoia of failure - to not have to take responsibility for myself and change.

I commit myself to take responsibility for myself within the point of paranoia of failure.

I commit myself to investigate the point of paranoia of failure, and take responsibility for myself within what I find.

I commit myself to correct myself practically within the points of paranoia of failure so that I stop my limitations and instead live in a way that I can develop my utmost potential.

Day 107: The Desteni of Living - My Declaration of Principle

I hereby commit myself to live by the following principles:


1. Realising and living my utmost potential

2. Living by the principle of what is best for all – guiding me in thought, word and deed to always in all ways direct problems to the best possible outcome for all

3. Living by the principle of self honesty – to ensure I am pure in thought, word and deed: that my within and without is equal and one. Who I am within is who I am without and vice-versa

4. Self Purification through Writing, Self Forgiveness and Self Application – the action of realising I am responsible for my own thoughts, words and deeds, to forgive myself for transgressions and change myself to ensure I take responsibility for who, what and how I am and through this know that I can trust myself to always be honest with me and so others

5. Living the principle of Self Responsibility – realising only I am responsible for what I accept and allow inside of me, my relationships and my outside world and so with this responsibility: only I have the power and ability to change that which I see is compromising who I am, what I live and how this affects others

6. Realising that who I am in thought, word and deed affects not only myself – but others as well and so with Self Responsibility in thought, word and deed – I take responsibility for myself and so my relationships to be Self Aware in every moment  and live in such a way that is best for me and so others as well

7. Living the Principle of Self Awareness – to be aware, to see, to recognize my own thoughts and Mind, to be self honest to the extent where I can take responsibility for when I see my thoughts / Mind is not what is best for me / others and commit to immediately take responsibility and change for myself and so for others

8. With taking responsibility for myself, becoming aware of myself – take responsibility and become aware of others in my life, to assist and support them as I am assisting and supporting myself – to give as you would like to receive and do the extra bit every day to see where I can contribute to other’s lives and so my own

9. Living the principle of self trust – as I commit myself to remain constant in my living of self honesty, self responsibility and self awareness, I stand as an unbending trust that I always in all ways know who I am no matter what I face and that in this I know, as proven in the constancy of my living that I will always honour and stand by what is best for all and so best for me

10. Making Love Visible – through me not accepting/allowing anything less than my utmost potential, I support those in my life to reach their utmost potential, to love them as I have shown love to myself by gifting to me my utmost potential, the best life/living experience and show others as I have shown myself what it means to LIVE

11. No one can save you, save yourself – the realisation that the tools and principles of Desteni is the guide, but I must walk the path myself. We are here to assist and support each other in this process from Consciousness to Awareness/LIFE and what it means to live – but the process itself, where you are alone with yourself in your own Mind: is walked alone

12. Not waiting for anything or anyone to take responsibility for me and this world – but that I realise I have created who and how I am in this moment, therefore I have the responsibility to change who and how I am and so the realisation that we as a collective created how and what this world is today and so it is the responsibility of the collective to change how and what this world is today

13. Honouring the life in each person, animal – everything from the great to the small of earth, that we expand our awareness and responsibility to creating the best possible life for everyone and everything and so ourselves

14. Relationships as Agreements: individuals coming together using agreements as a platform to one-on-one expand, grow and develop as individuals in life and living to support/assist each other unconditionally to reach their utmost potential where the agreement is a coming together of individuals understanding what it means to stand as equals and to stand as one

15. Sex as Self Expression – where sex is an united expression between individuals in honour, respect, consideration and regard of each other as equals, two physical bodies uniting in equality and oneness – a merging of two equals as one physically.

16. Realising that by the virtue of me being in this world – my responsibility does not only extend to my own Mind / my own Life, but to the minds and lives of everything and everyone of this earth and so my commitment is to extend this awareness to all of humanity to work together and live together to make this world heaven on earth for ourselves and the generations to come

17. I must in my thoughts, words and deeds – but most importantly in my living actions, become a living example for others in my world that is noticeable and visible when it comes to the potential of a person to change themselves and so change their world. So that more people can realise how we can change this world, by standing united in our self change within the principle of what is best for all to bring heaven to earth

18. I am the change I want to see in me and my world – to bring heaven to earth is to bring into being, into living the LIVING PROOF of a PRACTICAL HEAVEN that can be seen and heard in our actions and words. We are the Living Heaven that must come into creation in this living world.

19. Through purifying my thoughts, words and deeds – my inner becomes my outer, so I bring into creation me as heaven into earth, realising it is not enough to ‘see the change / be the change’ – for change to become REAL it must be a constant, consistent living of me through the words I speak and the actions I live visible and noticeable to all in every moment of breath

20. Realising that my physical body is my temple – my physical body is the living flesh through which and in which I will bring into being and create / manifest heaven on earth as me in my thoughts, words and deeds and so I honour, respect and regard – nurture and support my physical body as I would nurture and support me as equals: my body is me

21. We are the change in ourselves and this world we have been waiting for: and so I commit to dedicate myself and my life for each one as all to realise this, as nothing will change if we don’t change in all that we are, within and without

22. The realisation that for me to be able to change myself in thought, word and deed to the most effective living being that I can be and become – I first have to ‘know thyself’ and so commit myself to investigate, introspect and understand how I became who I am today, to prepare the road before me into self creation of a responsible, aware, self honest and trustworthy person for myself and so for all

23. The realisation that for me to be able to contribute to change in this world – I have to get to ‘know thyself’ as this world and so commit myself to research, investigate and introspect the inner and outer workings of this world and align the systems of today to present and give the best possible life for all on Earth

Day 100: A New Day

3 months ago I was writing the post for the day 99, today I was about to write a new post and saw that I must continue with the big 3 digit number post. The post number 100 is a good opportunity to review my Journey to Life so far, but this is not how I expected day 100 to be. One does not plan to not write, or at least it was not my plan. The last 3 months I started university and used this as an excuse to not write. It is not that I did not have the time. I was hinding from myself - wich I can't really do - how could I hide from myself? lol I can't escape from me.

 
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try to hide from myself with the justification of having to study, even if I know I have time for both.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let time go by without directing myself to write.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can hide from myself in not moving myself to write.

Whenever I see that I want to hide from myself by utilizing excuses to not write, I stop and I breathe. I realize that I can't run/escape from myself/self responsibility, so I take myself back Here and assist/support myself in writing when/as possible in self honesty.

Whenever I see that I am 'letting time go' without directing myself, I stop and I breathe. I realize that I must take decisions to move myself to support myself because no one is going to or can do it but myself, and within the realization that once time goes by I cannot take it back.

I commit myself to direct myself whenever I 'catch me' wasting time.

I commit myself to keep walking my process for me in writing whenever/as I am able to within my participation in my studies.

Bernard Poolman, an Example for All

Bernard Poolman died on the early hours of Sunday, 11th August, 2013.

I will be forever grateful for having met Bernard, first online, and last year in person, when I visited the farm for about two weeks. He was one, or the most fascinating being I have ever met. A man of principle, for as long as I knew him, he never stopped walking as an example of living the principle of doing that which is Best for All. When I visited the farm at the end of 2011, I got to see first hand that, indeed, he was a normal guy, and the place and the other people living there, it is ordinary -- yet the dedication of all the people living in the farm in walking practically what is necessary to change the world, that you don't see every day. And that I already saw from the participation online, where year after year, since I've known of Desteni in 2008/2009: The message was/is the same: That of Jesus, 'Do unto another as you would like to be done unto you', 'Give as you would like to recieve' and  'Love thy neighbour as thyself' -- what does it mean to live it practically? He lived that, along with the other beings at the Farm. He will be missed, but his message is still here, and the group will keep walking the principle.

I remember sharing something with him that was a heavy lift for me, and he said, 'Forgive Yourself'. And this is what is extraordinary of what he did, he walked his process with tools for himself - namely Self Honesty, Self Forgiveness and Practical Application - that then shared with others for all to be able to stop ones limitations and become a functional human being that can stand no matter what and effectively walk that which is Best for All, creating oneself as a trustworthy human being like he was, he would never give up, and he did not give up.

'There are no problems, only solutions' he once said. And that is what he was focused on, solutions for people to become functional and to worlds' problems.

When I went to the Farm, I was pretty much a failure walking, having failed for so many years at my education - he said to me in a chat when I again failed some months after visiting the farm, that from this I could take that it is best doing things well the first time -- indeed, I can f**k around all that I want, or go straight to the point, like he did with everything.

At the farm, I arrived there so thin, I remember I was most of the day with shakes that had minerals and vitamins, and he would say,'it's ok, eat' - lol - I had been spending so much time in the mind I had not been eating effectively. There I had a lot of fun with the dogs, many dogs living there. I was there for a short period of 12 days, I couldn't stay more due to my studies although I had been invited for about a year - but I wanted to visit anyway. It was worth it. When I was there, it exposed how I was not being effective, in the trip from the airport to the farm, one we did with Bernard, Cerise his daughter and David a visitor, he asked me what's 'backchat', and I couldn't give him a good definition. I saw I had not taken my process seriously, not investigated or applied the material effectively -- see, I realized, one can have all the support/the best support in the world, but it is up to us to take it and live it, study the material that he/Sunette/Dimensions shared and live it, because 'knowledge without application is useless' -- common sense.

So in the moments, now days after his death, I see I would have liked to, during the time that I have been participating in Desteni, apply myself more effectively, but again, he would have said, no matter how difficult or big of a problem I thought I have: 'Forgive yourself' -- and move on, correct myself, and stand up again if I fall, until it is done, until I have it made.

From having met him I've seen how it is me that willed my failed results in the past within my education, that I can will it otherwise. Thanks to the support of Sunette, Bernard and others at the Desteni farm, I've been able to realign points in my life and next year I will be starting studying at university, something I said I would never do at one point.

Day 29: Attent-ion as Energy Addict-ion

During my school years I have consistenlty looked for attention in arriving late at school every day or many days a week. I lived close to school but I would give excuses to not leave home until the last minutes, then run to school and arrive the last, having many within the class turning their heads as I entered the classroom, and sometimes I even had out-loud comments from classmates wich was the cherry on top of the cake. Why? Because I was receiving attention. For a moment I was the center of attention and I experienced energy for it. I had two energy rushes – one from running from home to school and another when they would look at me or make some comments – and I also felt like a ‘bad boy’. There was also the expectation of the reaction from the teacher. The first thing I would do when entering the classroom is to have a quick look to spot their reaction. I did not like starting the class inside the classroom waiting for the teacher and being one more in the group, I saw it as boring when all it was is the mind being bored for not getting energy. This rush I did not notice then very clearly but definetly there was an energetic experience between guilt and satisfaction from the attention I was receiving in arriving late and the last-minute run.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to want to be more than others in receiving special attention.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feed my Ego with an EnergyGO from receiving extra attention within a group.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to become addicted to the energy rush from the chemicals released in physical exercise such as running.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deliberately create a situation where I have to run in order to experience an energetic charge of the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe myself to be/perceive myself to be inferior than others if I don’t get special treatment/attention and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to go to the opposite polarity by perceiving myself as superior in trying and getting the attention from everyone in a group even to the point of sabotaging myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react energetically to the comments and stares and attention I receive from a group.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge as boring being within a grup unnoticed or being equally noticed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I get attention from others I am more.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feed-off energetically from the reaction I get to my behaviour within a group/towards a group of people.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive myself as God - as that which is more than others - from getting reactions from people.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define God as that which is more than others instead of seeing that god would be taking responsibility for a creative hability.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see that my only real power is breath and no amount of attention can maintain me alive.

I forgive myself that I haven’t acepted and allowed myself to see that I am equal to others despite any concept and idea I have about myself being more or less than others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to consider myself as a 'bad boy' for pushing the limits of the rules at school by arriving late.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react with guilt and fear when arriving late at school - fearing consequence.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as an energy-junkie feeding of energy rushes instead of living myself that doesn't consist of energy.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that being bored when not getting special attention was/is an experience of the mind not getting energy to feed off and that when I am here as breath I don't require anything else/more.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in consummerism as the consummerism society by indulging in energy experiences from the mind.

I commit myself to show that it is possible to live in equality without chasing imaginary powergames of being more or less.

I commit myself to stop, breathe and direct myself to focus on a physical task/activity when I see that

I am about to speak and act to receive attention from others.

I commit myself to remind myself that whenever I am looking for attention I am indicating that I don’t give attention to myself.

I commit myself to show that it is possible to live a fulfilling life without having to put down and stand on others within one’s mind.

I commit myself to whenever I see I am going into an energetic experience from a physical activity = stop myself and breathe - discontinuing participation from the mind and taking it to the physical here as breathe.